whats new
not to jinx anything but my luck is starting to turn. for the better of course. and im starting to feel like myself again a little bit. i started therapy which im not super sure how much its working for me but its also only been a month and i go every other week bc im broke. i resigned for my place w my dear friend camille, and elinor, who we found on fb but seems super awesome and chill. i’m excited to rebuild my dyke home. i also got an iud to treat endometriosis which seems to be working but also is giving me weird side effects (normal for the first month). more on that later. im slowly like trying to make more friends as i have lost another friend this month (not dead just a bad friend). im trying to not beat myself up over this but it’s hard. i am between feeling like i am being dramatic but also i just feel like i need to set harder boundaries for myself. but i went on many solo and accompanied adventures this month just to put myself out there and remember what its like to be a person again and who i was before my life fell apart. i have met several new people this month but no one i consider a friend yet. maybe soon. hopefully. also sorry if anything is repetitive here im trying not to post on instagram i swear but its so addicting.
i went to santa cruz and san fransisco! i got to stay with scout, bella, AND THEIR CATS LUNA AND TOULOUSE (hi friends!). and i also got brunch with saul (hi saul!) who mentioned he actually reads this which does mean a lot and im glad this isn’t going into the void. honestly california was a well needed break from chicago. i love this city but being away from everything that was stressing me out was so very helpful. also the weather was perfect. seeing my friends healed me. i should’ve done a special edition newsletter for this but alas.
i went to taste of chicago and met up with raquel and her bf + friends. we saw beach bunny’s set, ate good food, met up with ugo who was in town for a day, and watched the fireworks from the navy pier. i caught raquel up on my life for the last few months and it was nice having a fresh perspective on things, and to hear about her ridiculous new italian landlord. also the food was so good and so cheap.
i went on a few solo adventures, including an edible induced art walk in wicker park, dorothy’s silent book club, and a second taste of chicago run. i am a bit discouraged bc i always leave feeling disappointed in myself for not speaking to people and making friends. i feel like i should just be glad im leaving the house and doing things alone anyways but it doesn’t feel like enough. idk. im trying though! i am also dating again which has been fun and exciting and thats all i will say publicly. txt me if you’re nosy.
i also have been on a few accompanied adventures. i went to foster beach with ye’amlak (hi yams) for a sapphic beach day, which was okay i think. met some lovely people. camille (hi camille) and i went to a sapphic pj party and the crowd there felt like a first year wellesley college dorm party if that means anything to you. but also found a fun karaoke bar on the walk home and got to observe straight cis men in their natural habitat. so intriguing.
MY TWIN CAME HOME. grace, my dyke alike (hi grace i actually dont know if you read this), and their gf faith came to the city and we went to the lesbian bars and chatted and it was so nice to see them. like actually i kind of missed my boston life a little bit and it was great seeing a familiar face.
i saw lucy dacus and the chicago philharmonic and now believe all shows should have a live orchestra. it was genuinely so beautiful and to be in the heart of downtown, with the buildings towering over the park and the lake just to the east. like wow i love chicago. i love lucy dacus. i also got a cute shirt out of it.
my professor asked me to be a part of the depaul game design grad program marketing campaign. it paid $250. it was kind of hilarious. it was so involved for just getting shots of us as students playing a game. the first shoot was fine and while they took headshots of me someone said “ok serve” which was hilarious. but in the second shoot they had us pretend to watch a lecture with an ai video in the background and three of us walked out. honestly it felt real good to stand up for myself and what i believe in. should try that more often.
ok last adventure i promise. this is mostly for anyone considering getting an IUD bc i realized i don’t know anyone with one and it made me scared. but if you know me i have the world’s worst periods. three days of insane bleeding and debilitating cramps. the numbing shot and insertion was painful, but it felt just as bad as a bad cramp for me. and when the nurse asked me how i was doing and i said oh it just feels like my period, she said. oh yeah you need this. so. if you are like me. maybe get one. idk though i am not a doctor. also it was really funny when she said it’ll take a week for the contraceptive to kick in and i must have looked confused bc she followed that with “..if thats something you are worried about”. i forgot it was also a contraceptive.
now listening:
the first playlist i made when i got dumped was named “i’d rather lose” as a response to the quote “the one who loves always wins.” safe to say im starting to heal a bit. but this playlist, expectations by olivia rodrigo, a month or two by odie leigh, and underscores’ entire discography have carried july. also some jane remover to round out july.
now watching:
im on season 8. sue me. i also watched the hadestown proshot which was really good but i hateeeed this orpheus im so sorry. his voice was just not what i expected and it genuinely killed the immersion for me. everyone else was spectacular and i especially really liked hermes. but jesus christ. also orpheus is a terrible boyfriend in this adaptation like what. i have many thoughts.
now reading:
i finished martyr!. please read it. lifechanging. the prose is so beautiful. you can find meaning in everything. its so worth the read. im currently reading how to get into the twin palms which isn’t what i thought it was gonna be but once i became okay with that i started to enjoy it a little more.
now playing:
i started writing this and realized i haven’t played anything this month so i went home from the cafe and started silent hill 2. i am peeved with the environmental design (so many fucking locked doors just DONT put a door there jesus christ) but otherwise enjoying the puzzles and getting scared. derek has been watching me play but i might start streaming tbh just for friends though its kind of fun.